Just Breathe

I miss writing - I used to write for school all the time. Some day I'll write a book. For now, I'll reflect on life.

Growing up isn't easy - in fact, it's the most difficult thing I've ever done... or am trying to do.

The worst is that when you leave something - it never ever looks the same, (like your daycare or your first job.) It's even more difficult when you leave, they remodel and you visit - you feel like a stranger in a place that used to feel like home. Unsettling.

I see this when I visit St. A or Hobby Lobby - it will never be the same. The first time I visited HL after quitting it was surreal. Like walking into a time warp. I was no longer head of any departments, and the pages across the intercom were not intended for me. Unneeded. Distant. Foreigner. I'm ok with it now, but I was devastated at the time. Pain lessens as time proceeds.

I cry when I leave/lose things because I know that they will never be the same. Change - ugh - continual - necessary. I'm ok with unimportant changes, but can we leave the big stuff alone? During the past two years my life has shifted in a million different places.

2 years ago I was preparing to go to China, but not yet an aunt, and preparing to student teach, but not yet a teacher. Now I can't imagine my life without BabyJ & am preparing for my 2nd year of teaching. The greatest magic trick of life is how quickly time vanishes.

I only hope that I can soak in the moments that make up life & make a difference in the lives I'm connected with. At training last week we had to write down 1 thing that we did best. At first, all I could think of was singing or cooking, and then it hit me - I care. More than anything else, I care. For my husband, my youth, my animals, my students, my family, my friends... I really care. That's what I wrote down. I hope to be less selfish and care more often. Hopefully.

For now, I'll soak in the summer & contemplate what to do next year, when my life will shift in a million more directions... Changes on the agenda: 2nd year teacher to teach 3 subjects - reading/AVID/Social studies. Either they hate me, or they think that I do my job well... Time will reveal that as surely as it will disappear.

- Chelle